My Fantasy Family - By Devorah H.

The following was sent to me by Devorah H. If you would like something posted please send a email to me.

I remember in my early days of therapy I never felt like I was real. The way I viewed the world was falling down all around me. Nothing I once believed as being truth, was true anymore. I was breaking through the denial I always held dear to my heart. I had to face the reality that there was no real love in my family. I had to face the reality that I was an unwanted child. I was not something to be loved and cherished. I was in the way, a burden, something that caused stress at home. It's so hard to admit to the reality, when my fantasy family was so dear to my heart.

In my mind I had this fantasy family. I would watch shows like the "Dick Van Dyke Show." I would pretend that Rob and Laura were my parents. They loved each other and they loved me. No way would Rob ever dream of sneaking into the room of his child and forcing himself on her. As long as I had them as role models I was OK. I learned about unconditional love by watching that show, and also the show "Eight is enough."

Identity

Thanks to those who offered support to my previous post.

I was sitting with two women on shabbat. They were talking about teenagers and started reminiscing how bad it was. One said, "oh, I'm so glad I'm not a teenager, waking up every morning and wondering who I am."

I didn't say anything but thought: I am not a teenager but I also wake up every morning and wonder who I am.

The History of Crime Victims' Rights In America

This is an extremely informative site. I got the link from The Awareness Center's mailing list

The History of Crime Victims' Rights In America

It's really amazing that first crime victim compensation fund was established in 1965. Think about how many years people have been victimized and had to pay for their own medical care.

It wasn't until 1984 that the First National Symposium on Sexual Assault was co-sponsored by The Office for Victims of Crime (OVC) & FBI to create awareness on federal level for needs of rape & sexual assault victims. And that a victim/witness notification system is established within the Federal Bureau of Prisons.

As bad as things are now, can you imagine what things were like before?

Dear Rabbis,

Read the following and think about all of the individuals who have come to you stating they were sexually abuse, sexually assaulted or harrassed.


"I swore never to be silent whenever human beings endure suffering and humiliation. We must always take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented.'" -- Elie Weisel

Ten Things Men Can Do to End Sexism and Male Violence Against Women

1. Read about yourself. Read articles, essays, books about masculinity, gender inequality, and the root causes of sexual violence. Educate yourself and others about the connections between larger social forces and the conflicts between individual women and men. Resources: R. W. Connell, Gender and Power; D. Gilmore, Manhood in She Making; M. Messner, D. Sabo, eds., Sport, Men and the Gender Order; J. Stoltenberg, Reusing to Be a Man.

2. Understand how your own attitudes and actions perpetuate sexism and violence, and work toward changing them. Examples of typical sexist/abusive behavior:

• Pressuring a woman to have sex (includes Rape, Date Rape).<>
• <>Taunting or whistling at women, following women around, embarrassing women in public (Sexual Harassment).
• Controlling women by using threatening gestures, by outshouting women, blocking doorways, driving recklessly (Intimidation).
<>
• Verbally assaulting women by name calling, swearing, mocking, ridiculing, criticizing, accusing, trivializing (Psychological Abuse).

3. Confront sexist, racist, homophobic and all other bigoted remarks or jokes. Boycott comedians such as Andrew Dice Clay who verbally assault women in their acts. Boo in comedy clubs when male comedians tell sexist jokes.

4. Recognize homophobia and speak out against gay-bashing. Discrimination against lesbians and gays is a key way in which we're all confined in restrictive gender roles. See: Homophobia: How We All Pay the Price, by W. Blumenfeld; Homophobia: A Weapon of Sexism, by S. Pharr.

5. Don't fund sexism. Don't purchase any magazine, rent any video or buy any piece of music that portrays women in a sexually degrading or violent manner. Protest sexism in the media.

6. Support candidates for political office who are committed to the full social, economic and political equality of women. Actively oppose candidates who are not.

7. Support and fight for increased state and federal funding for battered women's shelters and rape crisis centers. Volunteer where men are needed in public schools, youth outreach centers and political lobby groups.

8. Support or propose curriculum changes, at every level of the educational system, which mandate courses and programs dealing with sexism and sexual violence. Urge coaches of boys' and men's athletic teams to require their players to attend workshops and seminars on sexism and male violence against women.

9. Organize or join a group of men, in school, at your workplace or among friends, to work against sexism and violence.

10. Support feminists. Commit yourself to ending oppression in all its forms.



For more information, contact:
HASM
c/o Student Activities Office
108 Longfellow Hall
Appian Way
Cambridge MA 02138

All information presented here is property of Harvard Anti-Sexist Men, (HASM) which was founded in 1991 to encourage men to take responsibility for sexism and male violence against women, and to challenge traditional concepts of masculinity.

Ten Things Men Can Do to End Sexism and Male Violence Against Women

---

1. Read about yourself. Read articles, essays, books about masculinity, gender inequality, and the root causes of sexual violence. Educate yourself and others about the connections between larger social forces and the conflicts between individual women and men. Resources: R. W. Connell, Gender and Power; D. Gilmore, Manhood in She Making; M. Messner, D. Sabo, eds., Sport, Men and the Gender Order; J. Stoltenberg, Reusing to Be a Man.

2. Understand how your own attitudes and actions perpetuate sexism and violence, and work toward changing them. Examples of typical sexist/abusive behavior:
   • Pressuring a woman to have sex (includes Rape, Date Rape).

   • Taunting or whistling at women, following women around,

     embarrassing women in public (Sexual Harassment).

   • Controlling women by using threatening gestures, by outshouting

     women, blocking doorways, driving recklessly (Intimidation).

   • Verbally assaulting women by name calling, swearing, mocking, ridiculing, criticizing, accusing, trivializing (Psychological Abuse).

3. Confront sexist, racist, homophobic and all other bigoted remarks or jokes. Boycott comedians such as Andrew Dice Clay who verbally assault women in their acts. Boo in comedy clubs when male comedians tell sexist jokes.

4. Recognize homophobia and speak out against gay-bashing. Discrimination against lesbians and gays is a key way in which we're all confined in restrictive gender roles. See: Homophobia: How We All Pay the Price, by W. Blumenfeld; Homophobia: A Weapon of Sexism, by S. Pharr.

5. Don't fund sexism. Don't purchase any magazine, rent any video or buy any piece of music that portrays women in a sexually degrading or violent manner. Protest sexism in the media.

6. Support candidates for political office who are committed to the full social, economic and political equality of women. Actively oppose candidates who are not.

7. Support and fight for increased state and federal funding for battered women's shelters and rape crisis centers. Volunteer where men are needed in public schools, youth outreach centers and political lobby groups.

8. Support or propose curriculum changes, at every level of the educational system, which mandate courses and programs dealing with sexism and sexual violence. Urge coaches of boys' and men's athletic teams to require their players to attend workshops and seminars on sexism and male violence against women.

9. Organize or join a group of men, in school, at your workplace or among friends, to work against sexism and violence.

10. Support feminists. Commit yourself to ending oppression in all its forms.

---

For more information, contact:

HASM
c/o Student Activities Office
108 Longfellow Hall
Appian Way
Cambridge MA 02138

---

All information presented here is property of Harvard Anti-Sexist Men, (HASM) which was founded in 1991 to encourage men to take responsibility for sexism and male violence against women, and to challenge traditional concepts of masculinity.

---

Return to the Sexual Assault Information Page

Last modified: December 3, 1995

Quotes for Today

People change and forget to tell each other.

Don't criticize others when you are angry with yourself.

Don't wait for the ideal time to being something.

Other people's problems are easier to solve then your own.

Be afraid only of standing still.

Panic productively.

Not everything can be made sense of.

What you have been taught to believe is not as important as what you know.

Face your fears with confidence.

Education is the most important aspect of society.

To an ant a few drops of rain is a flood.

Regularly examine your motives.

It's not just The Awareness Center doing this

Abuse allegations go online

Student goes to 'court of public opinion'

If you are a survivor and you want your story told, read this.

Is There Something Wrong or Questionable in Your Treatment?

Is There Something Wrong or Questionable in Your Treatment?

By Estelle Disch, Ph.D.

BASTA! Boston Associates to Stop Treatment Abuse
528 Franklin Street, Cambridge, MA 02139
Copyright © 1990, 1992

Anniversary of a Rape

Soon it will be the first anniversary of the day I was date raped. I am reflecting back and getting depressed. How do I commemorate such a horrible experience? How do I move beyond? I am also an incest survivor. sometimes I feel like I'll never be normal. Like there's a huge wall standing between me and the rest of the world. Some other survivors understand this. It's as if we passed over to another world and everyone else is behind a thick glass wall.

The rape destroyed the fragile hope I had been nurturing in my heart. It proved to me that I can never trust anyone. That if anyone expresses interest or love to me, it's just because they want to use me.

Getting The Word Out About Your Offender

One of the most important thing for survivors of sexual violence to do is to join forces with each other. We all have to work as a team supporting each other. Yes, it's true there are those out there who are determined to silence us. We can NOT allow them to do that. They thought when they were assaulting us that we would be frightened into silence. They were wrong.

I was just reading the following web page and wanted to make sure that every survivor who reads this blog helps get the word out that sexual abuse, sexual assault and rape happen in Jewish communites (just as they happen in every other community).

Go to the following web page provided by "SNAP" and write at least 1 letter a day to a newspaper editor letting them know about The Awareness Center, and if you feel comfortable sharing your story with them (read this article first), and letting them know how The Awareness Center helped you.

Letters to the Editor
Tips to help you get published!

Important Statistics

Rabbi Arthur Gross Schaefer is a professor of law and ethics at Loyola Marymount University. It is his belief that sexual abuse among rabbis approximates that found among the Protestant clergy. According to one study, 73 percent of women rabbis report instances of sexual harassment. “Sadly,” Rabbi Schaefer concludes, “our community’s reactions up to this point have been often based on keeping things quiet in an attempt to do ‘damage control.’ Fear of lawsuits and bad publicity have dictated an atmosphere of hushed voices and outrage against those who dare to break ranks by speaking out.”[xxiii]

Rabbi Joel Meyers, executive vice president of the Conservative Rabbinical Assembly, reports that 30 percent of rabbis who changed positions in 2000 did so involuntarily, and that sexual abuse was a factor in many instances.[xxiv] The Awareness Center devotes an entire website to “Clergy Abuse: Rabbis, Cantors & Other Trusted Officials.” It is a detailed and frank look at the problem of sexual abuse by rabbis.[xxv]

Quotes For Today

What's right isn't always popular and what's popular isn't always right.

Begin new trails instead of following old paths.

A person does not become self-confident overnight.

Growth demands a temporary surrender of security.

History repeats itself because people have the same motives.

CALL TO ACTION: Case of Rabbi Mordechai Gafni (AKA: Marc Gafni, Marc Winiarz)

CALL TO ACTION: Please feel free to write to Haaretz, and ask them to tell the whole story regarding Rabbi Marc Gafni. Please send letters to letters@haaretz.co.il or fax them to 972-3-5121156.

Please remember that Rabbi Mordechai Gafni confessed to having sexual relations with a 13 year old girl. "She was 14 going on 35".

Why am I not a Buddhist?
By Gil Kopatch
Haaretz - Feb. 3, 2005
http://www.haaretz.com/hasen/spages/583841.html


For more information on the case against rabbi Marc Gafni please go to: http://www.theawarenesscenter.org/Gafni_Mordechai.html

Things to Think About

Do not get in the way of who you are.

Let your creatvie work be your inner playmate.

Learn to unlearn

By asking questions you encourage other people to open up and let you in on their excitement about life.

It takes a lot of courage to stick up for something you believe in.

It is not who is right but what is right that's important.

Never depend on the admiration of others.

When you inspire others, you are truly rich.

By exploring your underlying beliefs, you gain a better picture of your life's goals.

Rabbis, Confidentiality and Other Ethical Issues - By Vicki Polin, MA, ATR, LCPC and Michael J. Salamon, Ph.D.

This is an important article!

Rabbis, Confidentiality and Other Ethical Issues
By Vicki Polin, MA, ATR, LCPC and Michael J. Salamon, Ph.D.

Needing Information on School Psychologist/Yoga Instructor (Monsey, New York City, Passaic, Baltimore)

There are rumors floating around regarding a single orthodox man who is a school psychologist/yoga instructor. The rumors include the fact that he might have sexually assaulted a woman on a date. I've heard that his picture is up on frumster.com

The rumors also state that he is dating several women at a time, telling them that he wants to date them exclusively.

Our goal is to protect any future alleged victims from being sexually violated.

If you have information regarding this case or know of other cases please contact me or The Awareness Center.

CALL TO ACTION: Rabbi Hershy Worch

CALL TO ACTION: Rabbi Hershy Worch

In the past the alleged survivors of Rabbi Hershy Worch have spoken to rabbis at both the RCA (Rabbinical Council of America) and also to Rabbis at the CRC (Chicago Rabbinical Council). Unfortunately because Rabbi Hershy Worch is not a member of either rabbinical organization very little could be done.

Since Rabbi Hershy Worch is consider to be an orthodox rabbi, The Awareness Center is asking that the Orthodox Union investigate the claims, and make a public statement on their web page of their findings.

The allegations against Rabbi Hershy Worch include Rabbinical Sexual Misconduct and also the claims of his re-writing and misuse of Torah. These claims have been following Hershy Worch around the world for several years.

Rabbi Hershy Worch and Yori Yanover continue to harass Worch's survivors, and also this blog created as a healing tool for Jewish survivors of sexual Violence.

Isn't it time for someone orthodox organization to take a public stand?

---

Rabbi Hershy Worch recieved his smicha (ordination) from Rabbi Shlomo Carlebach.

There have been several serious allegations made claiming Reb Hershy's behavior as being predatory, manipulative and sexually abusive. Allegations have been made in while residing in Chicago; from a group from the Hamakom Synagogue in Melbourne, Australia; and from other locations.

Rabbi Worch has been accused of utilizing a mixture of kabbalah, hypno-eroticism and other manipulative techniques to enagage his potential victims prior to sexually assaulting them.

There have been allegations that Reb Hershy creates a cult-like devotion to himself utilizing trance-like-states, guided meditation, hypnosis; all under the guise of kabbalah teachings. Allegedly his MO (modus operandi) has been to use such techniques on women with histories of childhood abuse, so that he can lead them into BDSM (Bondage, Domination, Sadism, Masochism). activities with him.

Rabbi Worch has allegedly written a "BDSM-Kabbalah" and finds his "students" over the internet, primarily through his Livejournal "Kabbalah_101" community.

Posting Comments on This Blog

As many of you are aware there is an alleged sex offender by the name of Hershy Worch, and one of his buddies (Yori Yanover) who continuously harass this blog. Yori Yanover keeps publishing personal contact information of a rape victim. To prevent them from continuing in this predatorily behavior we are no longer allowing people to make comments, except by those who we know are truly survivors of sexual violence.

If you would like to post comments please contact me by clicking on the title of this entry.

Quotes of the Day

The same thing happened today that happened yesterday, only to different people.

Sometimes the smaller problems are -- more difficult to solve than the big ones.

It is easier to educate the mind than the heart.

Trust your hopes, not your fears.

Vulnerability is often the price of growth.

Children follow examples, not advice.

Prepare yourself for reality.

Decision making takes practice.

Don't believe everything you read.

If you don't run your own life, somebody else will.

Make up your own instructions for life.

Don't achieve success at the cost of your soul.

Sex Offenders who Stalk and Harass On Line

Should a sex offender, or those who support sex offenders feel pride when they harass a web page for survivors?

When a sex offender or those who support a sex offender harass a web page for survivors -- could it be used as evidence in a court hearing? Could this be seen as a form of stalking?

Woman to tell story of four lives

Woman to tell story of four lives
By Frances Gibb
Times on Line - June 01, 2005



A judge rules that a film about a psychiatric patient and her warring personalities can be screened

A DOCUMENTARY about a woman whose life is controlled by four conflicting personalities is to go ahead next week after a failed legal attempt to prevent it being televised.

A judge rejected an attempt last week to block a Channel 4 film featuring the life of Pamela Edwards, 32, who needs 24-hour care to help her to cope with her disturbing condition.

The ground-breaking ruling by Mr Justice Munby, sitting in the Family Division of the High Court in London, has implications for upholding the right to freedom of expression.

He had been asked to prevent the documentary being shown by the local authority responsible for Ms Edwards’s care and by the Official Solicitor, who represents the interests of those who cannot represent themselves.

The grounds for the move were that Ms Edwards lacked the capacity to give permission to take part in the filming and that it amounted to a breach of her privacy under Article 8 of the Human Rights Act.

She won the right for her story to be told after the judge apparently gave greater weight to the right to freedom of expression.

Ms Edwards, whose condition is known as dissociative identity disorder, is looked after in her home in northwest England by 20 staff funded by St Helens local authority at a cost of £500,000 a year.

Psychiatrists believe that she developed the condition as a means of escaping the reality of physical abuse and neglect suffered as a child.

The documentary, Being Pamela, which will be screened at 9pm on June 8, follows Ms Edwards’s life as she struggles to deal with the four different internal characters she has named Andrew, Sandra, Margaret and Susan. In one manifestation of the condition, the characters fight among themselves, causing Ms Edward to harm herself.

David Modell, the film’s director, said that the documentary had taken almost two years to make and was an important exploration of the condition. There was a great deal of anger inside Ms Edwards, he said, because of the abuse that she had suffered as a child. She had developed the personalities to disconnect herself from her body so that she could believe the abuse was happening to someone else. The characters related to each other in different ways so that it would appear that Ms Edwards was hugging herself or deliberately pulling out her own hair, he added.

One of the characters, Sandra, appeared to be very controlling and to know what she was doing, he said, but she had little understanding of the outside world and often put Ms Edwards in dangerous situations.

Mr Justice Munby, who has seen the film, has not yet announced his detailed reasons for the decision.

Jan Tomalin, controller of legal and compliance at Channel 4, said: “In freedom of expression terms I anticipate it will be a significant judgment for the rights of people with mental health problems to talk freely about their lives and discuss matters private to them in public if they choose to do so.”