Friday, March 21, 2008

Huge Tax Cut - Ending Prison Terms for Sex Offenders !!

Just in from The Awareness Center's daily newsletter
David Mandel (CEO of Ohel Children's Home)

Huge Tax Cut !!
© (2008) By Anonymous

Congress (with the help of Ohel Children's Home and Family Services, NY) has recently discovered a new method of dealing with criminals that will help Americans save billions of dollars in future tax years. The theory goes as follows:

Millions of dollars are spent every year on building and maintaining prisons. This is completely unethical. Who are we to convict a criminal to be locked up in such a cruel manner? Who are we to assume that a criminal didn't already do teshuva? Besides the fact that it is very cruel, it will be very bad for the family’s shidduchim (dating/marriage partner).

Therefore, the new system will work as follows: All community leaders are to be prepared to receive all allegations of murder, theft, rape, etc. And of course, our beloved community leaders are naturally capable of dealing with all such situations. (Who needs trained professionals anyway?)

After a thorough investigation is conducted. Of course, this does not include interviewing the victim. That would be a waste of time since he or she is nogeah b'davar( effected by self-interest). Also, it is usually only an aid echod (single witness) which has no real validity. The community leader will then decide whether the allegation is credible.

If it is, the community leader will simply set up a new environment for the murderer, rapist, thief, etc., in which they will no longer have access to their previous compulsions. This will require the cooperation of the murder’s, sex offender’s, thief’s, etc., wonderful, loving family to help guide their unfortunate family member in the right direction. This shall continue until the murderer, sexual predators, thief, etc. is ready to promise that he/she will never do it again. In severe situations, the community leader may recommend that the perpetrator seek therapy, with highly untrained professionals (who will of course, reveal all confidential information to the rabbonim). But the most important role of the community leaders will be to ensure, that this is all done in a very quiet, discrete manner. This way, we are not jeopardizing the good reputation of the murder’s, rapist’s, thief’s, etc., wonderful, loving family.

The system is fool proof.
Skeptics, however, are nervous about the new plan. "How can such a criminal be allowed to wander loose? Shouldn’t we consider the possibility that they may find another victim?" they ask.

These critics obviously have no brains. First of all, anyone who is in a position of being a community leader, is fully equipped to handle, and prevent any criminal from further committing any more crimes. And besides, even if the criminal finds a way to continue breaking the law, it is still beneficial to change to the new method of law enforcement. After all, preserving the reputation of an unfortunate murderer, sex offender, thief, etc. is far more important than protecting the life of some stupid victim. Also, everyone knows that most convicted felons are based on false allegations. And even if the allegations are true, you can’t believe them because it is
loshon horah. So there is really nothing to be afraid of.

By the way, not only are all prisons going to be demolished, but the entire police department will be completely unnecessary. Thanks to our courageous community leaders, we can stop wasting billions of tax dollars on foolish expenses, and put it towards more worthy causes (like raising the salary of our community leaders).

Have a happy and healthy Purim!
Family Member of a Survivor of Sexual Violence


Blogger Barbara said...

This is priceless!!

Of course you only forgot one thing - find means to SILENCE the victims from speaking out by ruining their credibility in the community.


March 19, 2008 10:53 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home