Emotionally Abusive Mother Being Promoted by a Jewish women's organization
What does one do when an international Jewish women's organization promotes a mother who continues to be emotionally and psychologically abusive to their own child?
Many consider this mother's behavior towards her adult-child as stalking. This mother is also known to manipulate others into stalking her adult-child for her.
What is so concerning about this case is that several people contacted this international Jewish women's organization with the information.
Is this an issue we should discuss on this blog? in the news media? or should we just sweep it under the covers as we have done in the past?
posted by Jewish Survivors at Tuesday, October 24, 2006
14 Comments:
Are you talking about Amy Neustein and JWI?
Why didn't you just come out and say who you were talking about?
I would like to add an abuser here. A very close friend of mine, was molested by a psychotherapist in monsey. This is not the first I have heard about this person. Some people have the power to stop investigations, and this doctor, is still practicing. I would love to get some help publicising this.
I think everyone should be calling Jewish Women International and start complaining. Amy Neustein has done everything in her power to promote herself without caring about the harm she might be causing her own child.
This woman should be banned from public speaking.
JWI's domestic violence programs/projects, youth programming e-mail Deborah Rosenbloom at drosenbloom@jwi.org.
Jewish Women International
2000 M Street, NW Suite 720
Washington, DC 20036
Phone Numbers
202.857.1300 or 800.343.2823
202.857.1380 - Fax
Silent No Longer
The Other Side Of Abuse Allegations
By Daughter of Amy Neustein
The Jewish Press
27 May 2005, Page 4
Editor's Note: In recent months The Jewish Press published two articles by Amy Neustein the first
a, feature piece in the Family Matters section, the second an op ed column in which she recounted
her longstanding allegations that her ex husband abused their daughter. Ms. Neustein's daughter, requested this opportunity to respond.
Although I have not seen my mother, Amy Neustein, in sixteen years, I remember her clearly. She
claims the reason she repeatedly accused my father in the media of sexually abusing me was to
gain custody rather than fame. Yet when she did have custody of me long before the legal battles
began I remember her voluntarily sending me off to live with my grandmother in upstate New York,
after which I rarely saw her.
I remember, on one of my rare visits to my mother's house in Brooklyn, watching her softly
stroking her hair with an antique silver brush as she gazed at herself in her bedroom mirror and
wondered out loud whether she was pretty enough to be famous.
I remember my mother sitting with me on the plastic covered couch in my grandmother's country
home at age five as if it were yesterday. We had been rehearsing for hours. She would begin by
telling me a sordid and false story about my father, such as a detailed account about how he had
molested me or about how he had thrown me violently against a wall. She then instructed me to
repeat the story word for word until she was satisfied with my rendition. At the time, my father had
indicated he would be filing for custody. My mother warned that if I did not tell these lies to the
judge, I would be taken from my grandmother.
After my mother lost legal custody, I visited her once a week. During these visits, my mother used
to tape record me and pose me for pictures in order to gain material for her next media
performance. I fought back in the only way I could. Once, I chased her around a table in an attempt
to snatch her tape recorder.
For eighteen years (I am now 24); I was silent as my mother spun lie upon lie about my father and
me. According to her story, she is the victim of a conspiracy involving my father, Brooklyn Family
Court, federal and state appellate courts, the Legal Aid Society, the Brooklyn Society for the
Prevention of Cruelty to Children, Ohel family services, and several leaders of the Jewish
community. These co-conspirators, my mother insists, punished her for revealing that my father
had sexually abused me by taking me away from her.
The truth, however, is that my father never sexually abused me, and that reporters and alleged
victims' advocates who supported my mother chose to retell her lies without adequately checking
the facts.
The reason my family and I did not seek media attention to counter my mother's allegations is that
we wished to maintain our privacy. My family believed that my mother's publicity would fizzle out,
and that it was best to avoid the media spotlight as much as possible so that I could live a normal
life. But my mother has been relentless in her exploitation of me. Recently she embarked on
another media tirade, and has published her false allegations in this paper and others.
The worst article I have yet to see this year contains my full name as well as photos of me as a
child and as an adult, along with sickening and absurd lies about my father and me. Even if the
allegations were true (which they are not), it is a widely accepted principle of journalistic
responsibility and of everyday morality that it is wrong to invade the privacy of victims (alleged or
actual) by publishing their full names and photographs. Kalu 'chomer (how much more so) when
the allegations are false. Such deceptive reporting is so damaging and hurtful that I feel I no longer
have any choice but to break my silence.
I do not hate my mother; I see her as troubled. Nor do I seek revenge. I am only speaking out to
stop her, and her supporters who profess to care about me, from continuing to exploit and torment
me. With no other recourse, my mother has tried to counter my denial of her allegations by
claiming that I am being brainwashed and used by my father and other alleged members of
the so called conspiracy who "desperately fear public scrutiny and government inquiry"
Anyone who knows me well will vouch that I am independent minded and not the weak character
my mother makes me out to be. The only parent who tried to brainwash me is my mother. The only
people who are using me to advance their own careers are my mother and her allies. I vividly
remember my mother sitting me on the couch at age five and coaching me to lie about my
father. These are my memories and not anyone else's.
I do not profess to know how typical my story is. I hope it is the exception and not the rule.
However, the research involving allegations of child sexual abuse in court custody cases
indicates that false allegations can occur in anywhere from 2 percent to 60 percent of such cases,
and so it is far from an exact science. In these instances the accuser can often be the most vocal,
the most sympathetic, and thus the most believable: But sometimes the real victim is the accused.
And the one who pays the biggest price of all is the child. What I have learned from my case is that
you can find "experts" to say anything, and that journalists are sometimes more interested in a
good story and don't want to be confused by the facts.
The damage caused by the irresponsible reporting and advocacy of my mother and her
supporters extends beyond my family. Not only have they stained the credibility of the victims'
rights movement they claim to speak for, but they have diverted attention from the true needs of
children in the family court and child welfare systems by misrepresenting what I, and similar
children, required. What I did not require, contrary to my mother's claim, was for the family court to
be opened to the media.
I, for one, owe my existence as a normal young adult to the family judges, Ohel foster care, and the
Legal Aid Society attorney who helped me reunite with my father in the face of considerable
opposition in the media.
Most of all, I am grateful to my father for the sacrifices he has made for me over the years.
While I completely understand Ms. Nuestein's exasperation and frustration regarding her mother's troubling behavior, I want to point out that bringing this out in this forum is resorting to precisely the same tactics her mother uses. Love her or hate her, Amy Nuestein has kept this issue of child sexual abuse and the Mondrowitz case specifically alive. I believe that JWI will do the right thing and keep her in check so that she stays on issue. Remember - while we are all busy bickering and arguing, there are children out there who are being harmed. Let's not cause so much trouble that this important forum be in danger of being cancelled.
I strongly disagree with you. Neustein hurts everyone. She's not advocating for anyone but herself. The book she and Lesher wrote is a sham. When you start doing your homework you will realize the "cases" in their book is mostly only about one case, her own. Except that the smaller details have been changed or taken out of context.
Amy Neustein doesn't care about anyone except herself. She's play acting that it's really about her own child or about care about other families.
JWI is foolishly being taken in by Neustein and Lesher. It's sad that Rabbi Dratch is being pulled into this scam too.
If Dratch would make a few phone calls to people who know about this case, he too would step away from being connected to Neustein and Lesher.
Stalking is the term used to describe repeated harassing or threatening behavior toward another person.
A stalker can be a stranger or someone the victim knows including a family member (i.e. mother)or friends of your stalker.
Are you receiving repeated letters, faxes, gifts, and/or emails even though you told the sender to stop sending them?
Has someone tried to get information about you from a third person like a family member, friend, or co-worker?
You are being stalked if someone is:
* Repeatedly following or spying on you
* Repeatedly calling your home and/or work
* Repeatedly sending you unwanted e-mails, letters, faxes
* Threatening you or someone close to you
* Tell the stalker to leave you alone clearly and firmly. Do not negotiate with your stalker.
* Keep a log of incidents including the date, time, what happened, and the names of any witnesses. Even if you decide not to pursue prosecution, you may change your mind and it will be helpful to have documentation of every incident.
* If you have a restraining order, make several copies, and carry a copy with you at all times.
* Save any packages, letters, messages, or gifts from the stalker. They may be important if you decide to report to the police.
* Keep your address confidential, get a post office box and use it on all correspondence. Put this address on your checks. If you are being sent something from Federal Express or another company that won't mail to P.O. Boxes, change "P.O. Box" to "Apartment" when giving your address.
* Use an answering machine to screen calls. Save all voicemail messages from the stalker, or record them to a tape recorder and save the tapes.
* To report telephone harassment and get help in documenting harassing phone lls call the Unlawful Call Center at 1 (800) 518-5507
* You can have your phone reject calls from anonymous or unknown callers by contacting your local telephone service provider.
* Acquaint yourself with 24-hour stores and other public, highly populated areas in your neighborhood. If someone is following you, never go home.
* Inform security at your place of employment that you are being stalked.
* Inform friends, family, neighbors, and other people you know that you are being stalked so that the stalker cannot get information about you from them.
* If you have a picture of your stalker, give one to people you know at the places you frequent.
Stalking frequently involves an escalating series of incidents. The vast majority of stalkers are obsessed with their victims, intent on exerting power and control over their target, using a variety of tools including high-tech devices. Common behaviors of stalkers include, but are not limited to:
* Following or watching the victim
* Trespassing or being present near the victim's home or workplace
* Stealing or vandalizing mail or property of the victim
* Initiating unwanted contact or communications through deliveries, telephone calls, mail, pagers, e-mail, or any other medium to the victim and her/his family, neighbors or co-workers
* Using digital or video cameras, GPS (global positioning systems) and other tracking devices
* Monitoring the victim's Internet history and computer usage
In this information age, Cyberstalking, which is the use of electronic means to stalk another person, is a harsh reality.
Please post this person's name and it will be investigated. You are doing the right thing.
Thank You
Anonymous said...
I would like to add an abuser here. A very close friend of mine, was molested by a psychotherapist in monsey. This is not the first I have heard about this person. Some people have the power to stop investigations, and this doctor, is still practicing. I would love to get some help publicising this.
AN OPEN LETTER TO AMY AND Neustein's Daughter
As a follow up to the JWI event regarding Child Sexual Abuse on Thursday 11/2, I believe that Amy Neustein's comments were well thought out and stayed focused on the program's topic. I know that a lot of people were inspired by all of the speakers to further action on this disturbing topic.
I am very glad that the program was not jeapordized despite the attempts made in this blog. In the future, please pick your battles wisely. Amy Nuestien's behavior to her child may be troubling, but has nothing to do with the JWI event and should be kept separate. All this reactionary back and forth tit for tat in public only shows that neither of you are thinking very clearly about your actions. You are both strong woman, and your talents are being wasted on negativity.
I wish Amy and Neustein's child all the very best in life and I, as well as many others, sincerly care about the suffering you both have obviously endured. May G-d bless you both and may He give you the wisdom and courage to forgive each other and carry on with each of your lives with the love and warmth you both deserve.
A Friend
To the poster who wrote to Neustein and her adult child.
There's a serious issue I have with the letter you wrote. First off, should we be promoting people who harass and stalk their own children?
Do I think that Neustein's ex-husband is innocent? The answer is no. I feel bad for the only child either one of them had. That adult child is a victim of both parents, the system, and each and every person who promotes her mother as an expert in anything.
I apologize for using Amy's daughter's name in my previous comment and I am glad you changed it before posting it.
I will point out that in your own words "That adult child is a VICTIM of both parents" I agree, she has become a victim. I think however that if she were to stop allowing herself to be constantly consumed by her parent's bad choices and behavior, she can become a true SURVIVOR and be example to her parents and all of us on how to heal and empower oneself despite the odds. Just think about what can be accomplished when all this wasted energy is directed to helping others in need. Again, best wishes from the bottom of my heart.
A Friend
One of the most important things we have to remember is that when someone has been victimized the most powerful and healing thing for them is being given choice.
By forcing Neustein's adult child to do anything relating to the mother or the adult-child's life history is wrong.
We all need to take a step back and let the adult-child figure out if and what they wants to do. And then we have to all respect that choice, even if we don't agree with it.
I think JWI was wrong for promoting Neustein. I think they became part of the problem. Neustein has a habit of harassing individuals to get her way. Everyone just gives in to get her off their back. We all have to start saying No to this type of behavior.
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