Friday, September 08, 2006

I Hate Shabbos and The High Holidays! - By Galya

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© (2006) By Gayla

It's Friday night, do you know where your children are?

I hate Shabbos and the High Holidays because it reminds me of my family getting together.

I can't get the thought out of my mind of wondering how many children were beaten up today and or tonight because of the tension in their homes.

How many mother's lost it as they were preparing for Shabbat?

How many children were beaten because they didn't perform their pre-Shabbos chores correctly or quickly enough?

How many children are going to be raped by their father's or mother's tonight?

How many children will be molested in shul tomorrow by family friends or by their rabbi?

I know I'm not the only survivor in the world who has these sorts of thoughts crossing their mind. If anyone wonders what it is like for some survivors of childhood sexual abuse, this is one aspect of it.

I know this has nothing to do with being Jewish, Muslim, Christian or any other religion. It's about children being manipulated by adults.

I wish everyone would just start talking about it, instead of keeping silent!


Anonymous Orthodox rabbi said...

Further proof that survivors need help...badly.

September 09, 2006 8:10 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I also have a hard time during holidays and shabbos. Thanks so much for writing about it.

I've had to move away from the community I group up in. I'm no longer observant. It was way to painful for me.

I quit going to shul for services. I do my best to just wipe out the concept of the high holidays from my mind. If I don't I can't sleep at night and am just a nervous wreck.

September 09, 2006 10:11 PM  
Anonymous respect for survivors said...


Learn to spell it.
Get it.
Take it seriously.
There is hope for recovery.

Like so many other life altering events, life continues.

Don't allow your abuser to steal your spiritual life away from you.

Don't be a victim- be a survivor and be victorious!!!

September 09, 2006 10:52 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

One way to remember how to spell the word Therapist is to break the word down. THE RAPIST. That was my experience when I was in Therapy. Anyone else molested while trying to get help?

September 10, 2006 12:01 AM  
Anonymous Freedom of Choice For Survivors said...

Dear respect for survivors,


Shabbos or being observant is NOT healing for everyone.

Who says going to services is something someone needs for recovery?

I took me many years of therapy to break away from the frum world. It's changed my life for the better.

September 10, 2006 12:05 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Galya, I agree with you. I slowly stopped keeping shabbos, and I really don't miss it. I'm still deciding what to do this year for the high holidays.

respect for survivors: shut up.

September 10, 2006 8:14 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Going to shul is way to toxic for me. It doesn't feel like an authentic place for me to connect with HaShem.

My new tradtion for Yom Kippur is to either go to the ocean or to the mountains. It's really the only place I have ever felt any sort of spiritual connection.

I still haven't figured out what I'm going to do for Rosh Hashoshana. Maybe I'll invite a few of my friends who are Jewish to my home and I'll create some sort of ritual that feels healing to me?

September 10, 2006 8:54 AM  
Anonymous Shomer Shabbat said...

respect for life,

I have a question for you. My bet is that your emeshed in the orthodox world. Some of the words you choosed makes me think you are also into a twelve-step group like AA.

I think you are correct why you suggest that you shouldn't allow "your abuser to steal your spiritual life away from you". What you neglect to write about is how important it is for each individual survivor to have a choice in what that spiritual life is.

It seems that the observant lifestyle is what works for you. It's great that you found something.

For me the observant life style has NOT been healing. I couldn't handle being around narrow minded individuals who live their lives with blinders on.

My spiritual life bloomed once I left. I was able to connect on my own terms. I talk to God on a daily basis. I never use the preprescribed prayers writen by others.

My children are also extremely spiritual. I want to point out that they have never stepped inside a shul. They know they are Jews and how special that is. They will never know the terror of being raped by a rabbi nor the cover-ups that go along with that.

My children do keep kosher and shabbat, yet they are living their lives knowing about other faiths, cultures and societies. They are learning to express themselves freely.

September 10, 2006 9:07 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"orthodox rabbi,"
I think it's further proof that rabbis need help. Can you imagine what a difference it would make if they knew how to talk to survivors? Or even how to relate to them in a way that's not shaming, blaming or condescending?

September 10, 2006 11:52 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I also slowly stopped keeping shabbos. The only thing I missed was the gathering of friends. So every Sunday I have friends over for dinner. I started doing it on friday nights, yet because I have too much fun going out and dating I switched it to Sundays.

Hey in the "real world", Friday night is date night.

September 10, 2006 11:54 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey ya all, do you mind not swearing on this blog. It really bothers me. I don't mind you calling some one a jerk or an idiot. But using the "f" word is very distasteful.

September 10, 2006 11:56 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Respect for Survivors:

Can you spell A-T-H-E-I-S-M?

There's a lot of famous Jewish atheists out there....perhaps we should increase their ranks.....

September 11, 2006 9:50 AM  
Anonymous Self-Loving Jew said...

Ever stop to think why so many Jews assimilate?

The statistics are that one out of every Jewish woman and one out of every Jewish man was sexually abused before they turned 18.

Let's just say that the majority of those who were abused were ignored, made to feel shamed and or blamed; why do you think they would have a positive feeling about being Jewish?

I know that there are those out there that will be calling these survivors "self-hating Jews". In reality those who should be called "self-hating" are those who molest children and also those who help cover up for them. I believe they are the real reason so many assimilate, convert, etc.

September 11, 2006 11:32 AM  
Anonymous iwasabused said...

On the same note, don't you think that any other nationality/religion/typeofperson in the world can say, "I hate when relatives visit for the summer, because of the memories?"

I mean, people are abused in every single type of setting.

I personaly love shabbos and yom tov, though it sometimes provide painful memories, i had my issues with gd but we made peace.

I honestly don't get why we should blame a religion for something like this.

and to any "orthodox rabbis", anons etc.
until you've been in our shoes and tasted the pain/torture/fear - just shutup (and that was being way nice).

September 14, 2006 4:55 PM  

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