© (5767) by Tali Zahara
Happy New Year is what I should be saying, but I can't. I am so angered and sickened by the way our rabbis and community leaders have been handling cases of sexual abuse I don't want to have anything to do with Judaism any more. I can't imagine myself entering my shul to daven.
My rabbi left a message on my voice mail inviting me to come to his home for a meal. A few years ago I would have jumped at the chance. I would have felt so honored. This year I feel completely different. I'm having an extremely difficult time wanting to do anything related to being a Jew. I no longer say my daily prayers. It's very seldom I say bracha's prior to eating or doing anything.
I hate to tell you how many times in the past I went to my rabbi and other rabbis looking for help. I hate to tell you how many times a rabbi told me they did not believe me that I was sexually abused as a child. I'm sick and tired of feeling that our rabbis care more about protecting sex offenders or their own assets then they do about helping those of us who have been sexually victimized. I'm tired of the ignorance. I can't even imagine walking into my shul. I can't imagine davening with people I no longer can connect with. I think I will feel better if I just go camping.