First kiss - By Mara
By Mara
Friday night, I kissed a girl for the first time. It felt wonderful. On a deep level, it felt like coming home.
My first kiss with a guy was non-consentual. His lips against my lips, his tongue in my mouth - it disgusted me. I was molested and raped.
I'm wondering if I'm attracted to women just because of my bad experiences with guys, or if this is really me. I have been intimate with guys, mainly in an attempt to "erase" the bad things that the other guys did.
Does anyone have experience with this?
PLEASE don't submit comments such as "it's wrong" or "don't let the things the bad guys did affect your sexuality".
Friday night, I kissed a girl for the first time. It felt wonderful. On a deep level, it felt like coming home.
My first kiss with a guy was non-consentual. His lips against my lips, his tongue in my mouth - it disgusted me. I was molested and raped.
I'm wondering if I'm attracted to women just because of my bad experiences with guys, or if this is really me. I have been intimate with guys, mainly in an attempt to "erase" the bad things that the other guys did.
Does anyone have experience with this?
PLEASE don't submit comments such as "it's wrong" or "don't let the things the bad guys did affect your sexuality".
posted by Mara at Sunday, September 10, 2006
4 Comments:
Welcome home!
Mara,
I know your struggle. I finally got to the point were I realized I was bi. I don't know if it's because of my abuse and experiences with dating?
I just at times feel a connection with both men and women. I look at them as people and not as sexes. I see the beauty in both.
Mara,
Thanks so much for posting this. It's really a very important topic. So many of us struggle with our sexual orientation. It's not just women who question if it's ok to be with someone of the same sex, especially if you grew up in the frum world.
I think it's natural for almost everyone frum and not frum, survivor and non-survivor to wonder if they are gay, bi or straight.
I'll be honest with you, I think many people even test it out like what you are describing some time in their lives, yet they keep it a deep dark secret. I don't know if that's bad or good, it's just a fact.
Thank you for your bravery in talking about this issue. I also struggle with the same issues.
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