Regarding Mordecai Tendler and His Family
Everyone let’s look at Tendler’s behavior seriously for a moment. Not only Mordecai’s, but his entire family.
When a wild animal is backed into a corner what do they do?
They get freaked out.
They do what they need to do to survive. They will never just back down and allow themselves to be captured!
Keeping this in mind, what can we do for the Tendler’s so they don’t feel so trapped?
How can we give them a way to have dignity, and admit that there is a serious problem with someone they love and care about? I’m sure they may realize they made mistakes, but if we don’t help them with kindness they will never be able to admit they goofed.
I don’t have answers to my own question, yet instead of attacking each other, let’s find a peaceful resolution. We all know that Mordecai has a serious problem, and he needs to face up to it, and take responsiblity. We know that his family has been covering for him for years, and they realize the world knows it now. How can we help them “save face”?
I remember my therapist explaining something to me years ago. When you see clients, you always make sure they have a clear pathway to the door. If they feel panicked and need to make a mad dash, you make sure they have the room.
You never back someone into a corner, with no way out!
posted by Jewish Survivors at Thursday, March 02, 2006
1 Comments:
March 3rd, 2006 at 2:21 am
Rasha Tendler I is a sexual predator. He also has a huge ego. He will not stop and will not back down. He will not take any steps that involve accepting responsibility OR the consequences of his actions. He’s been given coutless opportunities by the RCA, the rabbonim of his community AND his victims to quietly leave and move on. He has refused all opportunities and instead used OUR silence and inaction to prey on others.
He is not trapped and never has been. He can leave whenever he wants BUT if you understood his pathology you would understand that he NEVER will.
>How can we give them a way to have dignity, and admit that
>there is a serious problem with someone they love and care
>about? I’m sure they may realize they made mistakes, but
>if we don’t help them with kindness they will never be able
>to admit they goofed.
There is no dignity or compassion in the way they’ve dealt with anyone who’s been foolish enough to show them any kindness or tried to quietly get them to help their rasha relative. Put out a hand and you will lose several fingers, if not the whole hand.
>I don’t have answers to my own question, yet instead of
>attacking each other, let’s find a peaceful resolution.
There is none. The only thing you can do in a situation like this. Mordecai is no different than a drug addict and his family and friends are no different than enablers of his drug habit. Any compassion and Mordecai continues to feed his addiction and ends up further destroying more victims, those around him, his family and ultimately himself. If those around him had compassion they would have removed him from the pulpit long ago, sparing his family the public spectacle. Instead they protected him from any responsibilty or consequences.
The only way to deal with a drug addict is tough love NOT more money for hard drugs.
If Mordecai, his family or friends want to do teshuva, it is up to them, not us. We must stand strong and stand against them and not feed his addiction even one bit.
Perhaps, when they all hit rock bottom they will accept the responsibility for what the’ve done, accept the consequences of what they’ve done and seek help and to return to Torah Judaism.
If so we will help.
Untill then, we must stand strong and not give one inch.
>We all know that Mordecai has a serious problem,
>and he needs to face up to it,
Yes, but he has not
>and take responsiblity.
Yes, but he has not.
>We know that his family has been covering for him
>for years, and they realize the world knows it now.
Yes they and his other enablers reppresent his huge yetzer harah.
>How can we help them “save face”?
That is the mistake in your logic. Everytime you allow him to do so, he just gets more power to feed his addiction. There is no “saving face” anymore. He had coutless opportunities and refused them all AND attacked and smeared those who tried to give him such opportunities.
This is not abot “saving face”. This is about doing teshuvah, accepting responsibilty and consequences. Rasha Tendler has CHOSEN not to do teshuvah.
Our job is NOT to protect him from the consequences and responsibility of his action. Our job is to hold him accountable.
>I remember my therapist explaining something to me years
>ago. When you see clients, you always make sure they
>have a clear pathway to the door. If they feel panicked
>and need to make a mad dash, you make sure they
>have the room.
>
>You never back someone into a corner, with no way out!
There is always a way out. It is called teshuvah. It involves admitting you are wrong, taking responsibility for your actions and making restitution.
Rasha Tendler I has has countless opportunities to do so and squandered each.
Teshuva is a gift from Hashem, one rasha Tendler I demonstrates even in the past hours with his vile emails that it is a gift he does not value and continues to throw it away.
We must continue our tough love. Teshuvah is a door that rasha Tendler I must choose to open. We cannot do it for him. Until then we must condemn him and remove him from any position of authority and kavod in our community. We must hold him accountable and responsible for his actions and not tolerate or give one inch.
We must stand for kavod Hatorah, not kavod of a rasha
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