Talking to God

This email is from Leslie

Growing up in my family meant there were many things I had to figure out on my own. I was an only child and my parents were busy with their careers. When they weren't working, they were home screaming at each other. I guess you can say it wasn't very peaceful in my home.

When I was in grade school most of my friends either went to church or Temple. My parents just weren't into doing religion. So I never learned anything about God, except what I heard on TV or over heard other people saying.

I was always curious about the concept of a higher power, but it all confused me. Some of my relatives were religious, but most of them never step foot in a synagogue.

In my mind, if there was a God, I thought he looked something like Santa Claus. But I also envisioned God as having an explosive temper like my father, which also meant that I imagined that God must also be a child molester.

I've tried very hard to view God from the eyes of those who were not abused, but I always seem to fall short. I've also always been confused about how to talk to God. I know there are set prayers one can say, but to me that's just using someone else's words.

What do you say? How do you know if God is listening? I often think talking to God is just the same thing as talking to myself. So I guess I still question if there really is a God, let alone a loving God.

Does anyone else struggle with the same things as me?