Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Kia's Story - By Kia S.

Kia's Story
By Kia S.

I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse. I can say that out loud. I know it wasn't my fault.

I've done therapy, done everything that was expected of someone who's been in my place.

The problem is that I'm totally lost when it comes to understanding G-d.

I have never been able to grasp the concept of there being a higher power. I have been totally at a loss. It's all so foreign to me. I still have no idea in how to connect.

Like most survivors, there's a time that you reach a stage in healing that you are searching for something spiritual. I have always been into holistic health, so it was natural for me to dabbled with all sorts of new age and eastern philosophies. For me, those ways of viewing life have been about healing, unconditional love, and embracing various aspects of yourself that you might have feared or hated.

While I was on that holistic journey I met some awesome people and had some wonderful experiences. The problem was that as time went on I felt like something was lacking. I was talking to some friends on a ListServe. One of them was also Jewish. After a year or two of talking my friend suggested that I call this rabbi he knew. I "Googled" the Rabbis name, and he seemed like a great person to try to connect with.

When I first called this Rabbi he seemed very open and honest to me. He seemed to understand where I was coming from. I thought he would be a perfect guide for me to connect with my neshema. Besides being a rabbi, he also told me he had a degree in social work. He also told me that I could tell him anything, and it would always remain confidential. I had been in therapy, and I understood what confidentiality meant. Boy was I wrong when it came to this rabbi.

As the weeks went on I felt flattered by all the attention he was giving me. I finally agreed to meet him in person. I drove for many hours to another state. I don't want to go into the details of my experience with this "holy rabbi." He didn't sexually abuse me, but let's just say the words "professional misconduct" seem to fit this experience.

The reason I am writing this is to say that just because someone says they are a rabbi does not mean they can be trusted.

Just because someone wears a black hat, or a black velvet yarmulke, doesn't mean they are ethical.

Most important to remember unless the rabbi is a licensed mental health professional, there is no such thing as confidentiality.


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