Thursday, April 07, 2005

I'm tired, what more can I say?

I'm tired of my community's denial that sexual abuse and sexual assault doesn't happen.

I'm tired of the cover-ups and the blaming. Please stop covering up cases of abuse. Please stop blaming survivors for coming forward.

I'm tired of everyone thinking they know what's best for me or other survivors, without asking us what we think. Please stop telling us what to do. I don't mind you offering me suggestions if you have experience working with survivors. If you don't just listen and let me bear witness to my life experiences. Don't try to fix me. I'm NOT broken.

I'm tired of organizations for women who turn their backs on those who need them most. How can JOFA support Tendler over his survivors? What are they thinking?

I'm tired of knowing that if I trust a rabbi and share my life history with him or her, the odds are they will see me as being mentally ill. Their denial is putting more children at risk. Their denial is creating an atmosphere that is allowing more people to be sexually violated. It scares me. I don't want to be hurt again. I don't want to trust another rabbi to end up being manipulated into thinking he loves me, and then rape me.

I'm tired of being told that because I was fucked by my father as a child that I have no credibility.

I'm tired of knowing that if when I tell people that I was abused as a child, that more people will come tell me they were abused too. The reason why this bother's me is that it's only survivors who will listen to other survivors and believe them.

I just wish that Jewish communities around the world would pull their heads out of the sand already. I wish that our community leaders would stop and listen. I wish they would care, and stop playing the stupid political games they are playing.

3 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I watch what our communities have been doing with the long list of cases on The Awareness Center's list. It sickens me. I have been living in a Jewish community and it makes me feel that my children are not safe. I've been talking to my husband and we are moving away. I think our children are more safe in a mixed community.

I just can't sit here and watch anymore. I feel so ashamed of being Jewish. I am not a "self hating Jew," as I'm sure I'll be called. I hate the cover-ups, the denial, and the political games the RCA and the OU have been playing for years, and continue to play.

How can I go to a rabbi for advice when I see them all as being corrupt?

April 07, 2005 3:17 PM  
Blogger Avi said...

we're at war with the abusers and it is indeed a tough, depressing and discouraging fight. There is no easy answer. I believe in the Torah and I practice my religion. But reading the Jewish Press for about 5 mins makes me want to vomit in total disgust. There are so many lies and distortions. It seems that being biased and frum is the same thing. Sadly, so much of our leadership is morally corrupt. It is a beautiful religion and we need to take it back from these creeps. I do believe that they mean well - they are just very limited - which is sad...Avi...

April 07, 2005 7:08 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I alway struggle with something that no one so far has ever been able to explain to me in terms that I can understand. If our leaders are more interested in protecting people who rape, why should we respect them?

I have a difficult time wanting be connected to Judaism. I've gone to talk to a few rabbis and they look at me like I'm from Mars when I talk about my childhood. I want to know why this happened to me, and why if there is a God he let it happen.

April 07, 2005 9:13 PM  

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