Thursday, March 17, 2005

Stranger in no-man's land

I feel like I have no place. The place I grew up in is no longer home. I moved to my own apartment but I still feel kind of drifting. Where do I belong? Where is a place for me? When will I finally be "home"?

What makes a home? How do you know you're there? Why is this longing for a home so strong in me? When I was little I'd hide in the closet among the blankets. It was dark and warm and I was safe. But then "he" came and my safety evaporated. I'm not sure where I'm going with this post but I think the title explains how I feel: like a stranger in no-man's land.

Do any of you feel this way? Are there any of you who felt this way in the past but have since found a "home"?

There's a song by Uncle Kracker that strikes a chord for me. It's called In a Little While. Here are some of the lyrics:
Sometimes I feel like something is gone here
Something is wrong here, I don't belong here
Sometimes I feel like a stranger in town
And I've lost what I found....
On the other side of a coin there's a face
There's a memory somewhere that I can't erase
And there's a place that I'll find someday
But sometimes I feel like it's slipping away...


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I often feel like I don't really belong anywhere. I don't have a family of origin, or a community right now either. I do have friends and that helps. Hang in there. You are not alone.

March 18, 2005 11:20 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just a little note to let you know my heart goes out to you. I have felt that often as well.

March 18, 2005 6:32 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The only place in my mind that is "HOME", is that of my parents. I haven't been inside it for many years. It's also a place I was emotionally, physically and sexually abused.

March 19, 2005 4:05 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The last comment got away from me before I finished.

I never could understand why deep in my heart I just want to go home. I want to sleep in my childhood bed again. Yes, I was assaulted there, but I also have fond memories there too. It all gets so confusing to me.

I think about in the movies:
ET phone home
There's no place like home
home, home on the range

I don't know where I'm going with this, just thoughts that come to mind.

March 19, 2005 4:08 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"I think about in the movies:
ET phone home
There's no place like home
home, home on the range"

I wonder if there's something stronger evoked for people like us, from the images and emotions from things like this.
Maybe people who weren't abused don't carry around an 'ache' for home (safety, security, love), because they were given love and security? They might have a pleasant nostalgia, of course, but not that 'ache' like we have.

March 19, 2005 10:11 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Home is where the heart is"

Does that mean my heart has no home? or I don't have a heart? or my heart hurts so much, it can't have a home?

Does the word "home" equal love? Is that really what the problem is?

March 19, 2005 11:56 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

""Home is where the heart is"

There is an old Lene Lovich song that strikes a chord, "Home":

"Home is where the heart is,
Home is so remote
Home is just emotion
Sticking in my throat...."

March 20, 2005 12:10 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home