My Story - By Dina Tamar
My name is Dina Tamar. I'm the newest volunteer "Poster" to this blog. I was asked to introduce myself to everyone. So I'll do that.
I'm a survivor of incest, and a rape survivor. I've heard that it's not uncommon for people who were abused as children to be assaulted as an adult. I guess us survivor types tend to go looking for love in all the wrong places.
I'm no different then most survivors. When I was a child, I tried to get help, but no one would listen. After my assault as a young adult, I was lucky. I went to the ER, a rape advocate was there to meet me. She walked me through everything, was there holding my hand when they did the rape exam on me to collect evidence. She was there when the police interviewed me too. She made sure I was seen by someone at a rape crisis counseling center. From there I had a legal advocate, who helped me deal with the states attorney's office, and was there with me when I went to court. The counselors I had at that rape crisis center saved my life. They helped me with more then just the assault, they helped me deal with so many different aspects of my life. It was short term therapy, but it was what I needed to begin my healing journey. They really began to help shape who I am today.
I've been dealing with my abuse history for a little over 10 years. I've grown so much, but the reality is, that I will always have flashbacks. Sometimes they will be worst then others. The good thing is that I've learned so many ways of coping with them. I'll share some of that with you at another time.
What I really want to talk about is the anger I have with the way Jewish communities have been handling cases like mine. I can only talk from my own experiences, which totally frustrate me.
I always felt stupid when it came to dealing with spiritual matters. I just never felt comfortable with God. I never saw God as my friend. It's been difficult for me to conceive of God as being an all loving being.
For years friends of mine who went to SIA (Survivors of Incest Anonymous) kept encouraging me to call a rabbi, to make a connection. I was very resistant. I never felt comfortable in twelve-step meetings because of my God issues. I also found them to be very Christian. Even though I feel uncomfortable with God, I am a Jew.
At one point in my life I got mixed up with some people who were cult like. One of my 12 step friends told me about a rabbi in New York who was a part of a Cult Clinic. She kept pushing me to call him. Finally I did. I guess I was foolish in believing that rabbis were supposed to care, and that they would understand where I was coming from.
I'll never forget that experience. I never really talked to a rabbi before, but something inside me told me to find some spiritual guidance, so I went looking. I made the call, and shared my story with him. His response was to scream at me, told me not to bother him again, and slammed the phone down.
I was crushed. I still cry when I think about that experience. I really have a hard time thinking about putting myself in that sort of position again.
I'm a survivor of incest, and a rape survivor. I've heard that it's not uncommon for people who were abused as children to be assaulted as an adult. I guess us survivor types tend to go looking for love in all the wrong places.
I'm no different then most survivors. When I was a child, I tried to get help, but no one would listen. After my assault as a young adult, I was lucky. I went to the ER, a rape advocate was there to meet me. She walked me through everything, was there holding my hand when they did the rape exam on me to collect evidence. She was there when the police interviewed me too. She made sure I was seen by someone at a rape crisis counseling center. From there I had a legal advocate, who helped me deal with the states attorney's office, and was there with me when I went to court. The counselors I had at that rape crisis center saved my life. They helped me with more then just the assault, they helped me deal with so many different aspects of my life. It was short term therapy, but it was what I needed to begin my healing journey. They really began to help shape who I am today.
I've been dealing with my abuse history for a little over 10 years. I've grown so much, but the reality is, that I will always have flashbacks. Sometimes they will be worst then others. The good thing is that I've learned so many ways of coping with them. I'll share some of that with you at another time.
What I really want to talk about is the anger I have with the way Jewish communities have been handling cases like mine. I can only talk from my own experiences, which totally frustrate me.
I always felt stupid when it came to dealing with spiritual matters. I just never felt comfortable with God. I never saw God as my friend. It's been difficult for me to conceive of God as being an all loving being.
For years friends of mine who went to SIA (Survivors of Incest Anonymous) kept encouraging me to call a rabbi, to make a connection. I was very resistant. I never felt comfortable in twelve-step meetings because of my God issues. I also found them to be very Christian. Even though I feel uncomfortable with God, I am a Jew.
At one point in my life I got mixed up with some people who were cult like. One of my 12 step friends told me about a rabbi in New York who was a part of a Cult Clinic. She kept pushing me to call him. Finally I did. I guess I was foolish in believing that rabbis were supposed to care, and that they would understand where I was coming from.
I'll never forget that experience. I never really talked to a rabbi before, but something inside me told me to find some spiritual guidance, so I went looking. I made the call, and shared my story with him. His response was to scream at me, told me not to bother him again, and slammed the phone down.
I was crushed. I still cry when I think about that experience. I really have a hard time thinking about putting myself in that sort of position again.
posted by Dina Tamar at Tuesday, March 15, 2005
4 Comments:
Welcome to this blog, Dina Tamar. I am also a new poster. I'll be putting up an introductory post soon. My story is similar to yours. I also had bad experiences with rabbis that I told about what happened. Looking forward to hearing more from you.
Hi Dina, welcome.
That's so terrible what happened, how that rabbi responded to you.
I guess I've learned over the years since that happened that rabbis are just as human as you and I are. I guess I thought of rabbis as being "God like". I exepected them to know everything, and how to handle every situation.
I was wrong.
read the torah, and talmud. it is filled with EVIL. not that all jews or rabbi's are evil.
But there are quotes in the talmud and torah that says a rabbi CAN DO NO WRONG.
And there are people in this world that are so stupid, that they believe this, and so do the worst thing imaginable. rape little boys and girls.
IT'S NOT REAL. THERE IS NO GOD. YOU WILL NOT FIND SALVATION FROM A LITTLE MAGICAL MAN IN THE SKY.
GOD WAS SIMPLY AN INVENTION OF ABRAHAM TO TAKE CANAANITE LAND, AND VIRGIN BABIES.
I CAN REFER YOU TO THE VERSES THAT PROVE ALL OF THIS. START WITH EXODUS 23:23
RELIGION IS USED BY EVIL PEOPLE, FOR ILL GOTTEN GAINS.
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