Thursday, March 03, 2005

Halacha and Parents Who Throw Their Children To The Streets

There was a comment on the blog that I thought we should discuss. It was on the posting on Homelessness and Survivors of Sexual Violence

Does anyone know the answer to this? Also what do you think the community response to be to parents who throw their children away?

Anonymous said...

I was wondering if anyone knows if there is at halacha of parents throwing their child on to the streets? It's like throwing your child away, like they are garbage.

That's the way it felt to me when it happened. I was nothing more then trash.

I never did drugs, never slept around, was an average student, and was active in my school. But to my parents, I was in the way. An unwanted nobody.

So if anyone knows what Torah says about how a parent is supposed to treat their children. I would be every so grateful.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I also would be interested in know the Jewish perspective is on parents who abuse and neglect their children? What does Torah say that we should do to parents who do this?

March 04, 2005 8:33 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I also want to know why our communities aren't shunning abusive parents, like they are survivors of childhood abuse?

March 04, 2005 8:33 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I was also "thrown away" by my parents. Their excuse, the peg they finally found to hang their hat on, after a fair amount of abuse and neglect throughout my childhood, was that I had become Orthodox. I was brought up Reform, and by the time I was a young teenager had lost all interest in Judaism, which I experienced as a dull annoyance, devoid of intellectual or spiritual interest. By the time I was in college, I was essentially lost to the Jewish people. I did not know when Yom Kippur came out on the calendar, ate bread on Pesach without hesitation, and could have easily intermarried without a second thought, though I still knew that I was ethnically Jewish. None of the lack of observance was a problem for my parents. Indeed, each of my siblings intermarried. The local Reform rabbi performed the services. But my path diverged. A series of events led me to become "Orthodox". I became a "BT" and made the decision to spend some time learning in yeshiva. Though I was initally naive to belive that they would be proud of my decision, they reacted as if I had decided to become a criminal. They chose this time of my life, my late teens, to literally toss me out of the family. Prior to kicking me out of the family, my parents hysterically railed against Orthodoxy. They stated that they would have preferred that I had become a drug addict. They filled my ears with invective against Orthodox Jews, and against me as a person. They literally showed me the door, gave me about $200 in savings bonds that were left over from my bar mitzvah gifts, and that was that. I took a Grehound bus to a yeshiva I had heard about in a distant state, and knocked on the door. My parents ceased all contact with me for years while I studied in yeshivas. I was always fortunate enough to find generous and kind Orthodox families who supplied me with clothing, a little cash now and then and some warmth. But I experienced myself for years as a second class citizen. My self esteem was shot. This situation lasted for years and was severely traumatizing. Even after marriage to a FFB spouse, they continued to ignore us and our beautiful children, their grandchildren. Only after nearly 20 years of marriage, the establishment of a beautiful Jewish family and financial success, did one of my parents finally warm up to me, but only after the other passed away. It has not been easy, but perhaps this was the path that Hashem knew I needed in order to re-establish the broken link from generation to generation.

March 06, 2005 11:37 AM  
Blogger neil said...

Anon #3

You are truly an inspiration to us all. I am envious of your schar.

March 06, 2005 2:09 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I was also a "throw away". Your story is amazing. Thank you so much for sharing it with all of us.

For me, I was thrown away right after I confronted my mother with my abuse. I ended up on the streets for awhile, and in and out of therapy. At times in patient. I just had such a difficult time coping. My siblings were always loved, but I was not. I was told since I was very young that I slipped through my mother's diaphram.

I have a friend who has once sibling 16 years older then her. Her parents always referred to her as a "bonus baby". It's amazing how the words a parent chooses, about surprise children can really make a difference.

Anyway, thanks for sharing your story. It was totally amazing.

March 06, 2005 6:09 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I just don't get it. Why is it that communities seem to be more caring about parents that abuse, then they are about the children who grow up with the violence?

Don't you think it should be the other way around?

March 06, 2005 8:13 PM  

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